The more I think I'm improving the more I can't really see a difference from all the stuff in my gallery.
People, people, people everywhere! You may think I'm anthropocentric...
The fact is I may be good at backgrounds or other stuff (I'm still not so sure about that...) but I just hate drawing them, same is for complicated outfits and surroundings.
It may be this very moment. I'm so unhappy with this 'human form' of mine and sometimes I just want to get rid of it...
But 5 minutes later I'm all happy and I'm giggling about anything and singing and two seconds later I'm crying again...Da fuk?
Maybe I'm just bipolar. Maybe I'm just moody. Maybe I just need to feel the love from my closer friends. Who knows...
I just don't like what I do and I'm starting thinking nobody give a fuck about what I do. I mean, FOR REAL.
Sometimes I just want to unable comments from my drawings, because I don't really think I want a feedback, since I want to draw for myself.
But I'm really drawing for myself?
From the moment I'm selling prints of my stuff (I mean, I enable them as prints and some people buy them for real), I'm offering commissions, I'm doing contests and offering my drawings as gift...
Well, I'm not sure anymore if I'm doing this for this community or just for myself, and I don't even think this community needs a Boys Love appreciator who complains about every single issue of the site,
for example this late epic fail about the deviations not showing in my watchers inboxes.
I'm not bored about the fact dA has issues. I'm bored by the fact the admins (not the mods, it's not their fault) won't EVER publish a journal about an epic server error like this one...
And I'm sure it's all about the money. They're still offering the 'Premium Membership' service. If they will publish a journal about this issue, people would immediately STOP to buy Premium Memberships. Short and easy.
As I said before it's DeviantMONEY. Same for the front page issues I talked about long time ago, and many people unwatched me for this reason.
Oh wow guys! I gave you my opinion and you gave me your bullets. Amazing!
No really...Also, you may not know these facts but I'm telling you right now.
You may know
. He made a campaign against the changings on the frontpage.
He posted this deviation under CREATIVE COMMONS licence and told people to make the same. I did.
After doing this propaganda against the system he was SUSPENDED because he had a second account. @_@'
This means...They fired him using a trick when his initiative was untouchable.
How many artists use different account for some reasons? HOW MANY? I know at least 5, and they're really huge....Bah nevermind.
I really didn't want to talk about that anymore. It's an old story but really, I loved this community before all this events.
The results on my creativity are:
- I just draw sketches and messy stuff
- I don't feel like I want to improve for this community since I have the feeling they don't understand me at all
- I would love to make explicit stuff but they would ban me in 5 seconds since it's boys love...
- I don't write in the forum/chat anymore
- I barely reply to comments
- I overreact every time about stupid things and I'm unable to bear people
- And I'm sure I will do this until the end of my days
But I'm still caring about what my watchers think...Maybe you could tell me instead of 'I like other works of yours more than this one...' which is my 'best' work in my gallery ([link]
) in your opinion, what you loved about my stuff, SAY SOMETHING.
I would love to draw personal stuff but it will be all gloomy and dark and made of blood...Maybe I SHOULD draw more personal stuff, ART for real, instead of my own pin-ups characters all made of nothing.
Shot me, really. I'm a dickhead.